I am a Recovering Good Girl, as are many budding goddesses. If you are not familiar with the term, Good Girl, let's explore this Syndrome together, shall we?
First off, let's set this straight, being a Good Girl is an infliction and not a badge of honor.
There are many attributes of Good Girls, listed below are the most prevalent:
- People Pleaser! Who has not done something or done something in order to maintain approval from those surrounding them? Who has chosen their actions based on not wanting to rock the boat? This aspect is also a Peace Keeper, but not in the Gandi sort of way, this peace keeper will base their actions on keeping peace in the family or their social circle. Who know what the reaction will be if you rock the boat; folks may get annoyed, mad or who knows? Think of it this way, if you are always on and must please others, how can you speak your mind or will you ever? Sad, but true attribute.
- Perfection is the Goal! Ever felt that anything and everything done that has merit cannot be released or shared until it is perfect. Bleh... Life isn't perfect. Nothing is perfect! It's one of the reasons I LOVE gardening; it is never done, never perfect. It is constantly evolving, changing, blossoming, tempting - all on its time, never mine. Remember, as a human, and even Good Girls are human, you are perfectly imperfect. EVERYTHING human-made has flaws. Repeat, everything human made has flaws. Of course, not handing in or releasing something that is half done is recommended, but it can always be better, but by doing the very best with the knowledge at hand is perfection. Perfectionists are people pleasers - they will only share if they think it will be well received, aka liked.
- Be Sensible! Seriously? Yes, sad but true. How can one who is always sensible break the mold? How can one who is always sensible be a trailblazer (Amelia Earhart, Eleanor Roosevelt, Julia Child, just to name a fews). How can one who is always sensible create? If one is always doing what is expected of them, how on earth can they BE?
- Living Up to Society's Expectations! If you are always on to perform, much like a trained seal, stress is your life long best friend. Let's face it, there are days that staying in your jammies is the best idea for that day. Rest is required. If you are expected to excel, receive awards, get those job promotions, have a clean home and more, when do you get to play, discover and rejuvenate? Let me answer that for you, pretty much never.
What Happens if The Good Girl Syndrome is Left Untreated?
A bevy of undesirable things can happen!
- Ill health is the top indicator. Things such as ulcers and headaches are likely to be common place. IF these go unchecked, they will begin to compound and the illness could magnify and ultimately be much, much worse.
- Loneliness. You pull back because you are not perfect, can't be sensible, and living up to society's expectations happens to other people. You pull back, pull back and pull back some more. You live an isolated life and in the very worse case scenario don't think life is worth living. Please reach out immediately to a trusted friend, me, family or in our Facebook Group if you ever feel this lonely.
- Frozen Shoulder. Yes, frozen shoulder. Doing this dance myself, I can speak to the annoying characteristics of this and how it does make one stop to listen while going within. Isn't it 'funny' that women from the ages of early 50s and on get a frozen shoulder and yet the medical community claims to have no idea as to why. We're good girls that's why! We've been doing this dance for so long and have put such high expectations upon ourselves that our bodies literally begin to freeze. Just it took years to accumulate to this level, it may take years for a complete thaw.
- Profound Emptiness. Let's say you are in the perfect marriage, children, picket fence, apron, pearls - the June Cleaver of the Universe. Your life is full with activities; parties, errands, running the children to their appointed activities because they are good girls in training, fantastic meals prepared and well you get the idea. All of this, ahem, perfection has worn you out! From the outside, you have a life others are jealous of and yet... you feel unfulfilled. Empty on the inside. Why? You are performing as expected and have left your essence in the dust somewhere along the way and there are simply not enough breadcrumbs in the world to make your way back to it.
How to Treat the Good Girl Syndrome
As with all Syndromes, it depends on the severity of your condition on what will work or won't work immediately. Here are some gentle techniques to help you BEgin anew and take your life back allowing you to live it more and more on your terms.
- Meditate. While this may feel like another chore to accomplish, the benefits will supersede any and all inconveniences. Besides, the laundry can wait a few moments. If you are new to meditation, I can highly recommend the newly released guided meditations by yours truly. Click here. I typically recommended guided meditations for those that are new to this kind of self care. Why? Your mind is brilliant and always running. With the right facilitator, they gently guide you to an experience - this makes your mind happy with something to do versus attempting to do it allll.
- Say NO Once this week. Then don't explain yourself. This is a BIGGIE. You are so used to pleasing, saying NO can be more difficult to accomplish than one may imagine. But once you BEgin to say NO, saying YES to you BEcomes that much easier. Promise.
- One Act of Self Love this week. Your act can vary from event to event. Some may cost; massage, mani/pedi, class, etc. Some may be free; meditation, walking outdoors - without your cell phone, reading a book for giggles and grins.
- Set Boundaries! Easier said than done. Start by noticing what makes you squeamish, frustrated and/or annoyed. Keep noticing and then start doing something to shift; say no, say yes, say I don't know. YOU do have control.
- Clear Clutter. This may not seem like it falls into an Act of Self Love, but trust me on this one. Once you start emptying your life of what does not serve you and only surround you with what does, the real you BEgins to emerge. I'll be offering a short course on this in the near future, but for now remember this mantra:
What Angel to Chat with to Release Your Good Girl Syndrome
Without a doubt, it is Archangel Chamuel, the Angel of Self Love. It's performing those Acts of Self Love that Chamuel encourages. It's meditating with Chamuel's sigil woven into the mandala that helps you to remember.
It's using the many tools that are offered in our product line. Yes, a product plug here, but wouldn't mention them if they had no energy or merit in assisting you to Love Yourself More. Chamuel has necklaces, aromatherapy, sundrops and bracelets. It's time you took yourself more seriously in the way that YOU matter as do your dreams.
Working with Chamuel's chosen crystals; rose quartz and rhodonite. Both stones are in loving alignment with Self Love and highly recommend them.
Here's to YOU breaking some time honored rules that simply aren't useful or supportive!