What happens when you Beloved 'pet' leaves?
The Back Story
Many of you know, some of you may not... but now you shall.
Our Beloved girl, Gabi, has left us.
My husband were on our first vacation (more than two consecutive days) in over six years; the verdict is still out long ago, but I digress. We returned on a Friday and had intended to spend a day or two extra with my folks.
Gabi had other plans.
She was staying with my truly amazing sister and as par for her regular morning routine, came downstairs, went outside, laid down and couldn't get back up. That is the text we received.
My heart plummented.
We had separate cars and away we went, back north to BE with her. I knew from the get go it was to be her last physical day with us. We arrived at the 24 ER Vet with not so good news.
Cancer was everywhere in her abdominal area. This is what caused the drama in the morning. A tumor had ruptured on her spleen and there was now internal bleeding. Stable at the moment, but who knows when the next rupture would happen; for it was inevitable.
After MUCH heart searching, chatting with her and more, we did the most humane thing. For IF she had come home, there could be no more swamping expeditions. She could leave us without a moment's notice and go while we were doing errands, sleeping, etc. It helped tremendously, tremendously when students reached out to share that Gabi had already visited them and told them it was her last day and there was nothing we could have done to prevent this. Gabi went to them BEFORE we knew anything. She was smart that way....
How we are moving on from our 'pet' leaving us
A pet can be just that a pet. A four legged critter that is dependent on your for food, shelter and its general well being. I know you, and that is not how you would view it, and neither do we. A 'pet' in our mind happens to have four legs (or two, if it's a bird), but a member of the family. It's a soul you confide in, explore with and attempt to BE the person that they see in you.
It's Love at the core. Never pressure to BE anything but yourself.
Gabi's departure was quick. Yes, I had inklings, she told me, but it was one of those rare times I really wish I wasn't so intuitive and hoped beyond hoped that I was wrong.
It's not been easy. As you too can easily attest if you've ever been in this situation.
What did I do? I painted, no not like Picasso, but walls; lots of walls. I needed something somewhat mindless that allowed me to absorb, shift energy and meditate while being 'productive'. I re-created the healing space where all client work happens. I painted our family room and have plans for other rooms as well.
I ventured out for a 'magical' walk within days of her leaving. My husband was grieving as well - for it is grief, but we were each attempting to be strong for the other. Off to the woods I went. I screamed, I cried, I got angry. Hopefully all out of earshot of any other human. My legs were heavy. It was difficult to walk even what was considered our 'short' walk (3+ miles)
The first week was tough. I cannot lie. Even our cats were in mourning. They could be found frequently laying in 'Gabi's' Room - designated as this was the room she always scampered off to to enjoy her treats. Flowers and cards and sweet memories from students, clients and followers of Gabi and me. We were beyond touched that we had through by simply sharing, had touched so many of you.
The healing continues
The painting has slowed down.
I've taken two more walks in the woods. One with a friend; we both got teary at memories, but they were good cries. We sat near the river, in the snow, like children and just listened and observed.
That was healing in itself; allowing ourselves to BE.
I went for the most recent walk just yesterday. I had a productive morning filled with clients and possible business dealings. Blog posting was attempted but kept getting stalled; it simply wasn't flowing. I was told in no uncertain terms to go for a walk.
Meh. It was cold and I felt somewhat whiny.
THEY, Sandalphon, Auriel, Thuriel; oh heck the entire Gang were persistent... Get Outside!
Finally I complied and headed off. It was getting late and the sun was far past its zenith, but I kept going. Once the woods were entered, I realized getting to the river was not possible due to the lighting. Maybe turn around now? Maybe go to her watering hole?
Eh, I'm turning around.
Lo and behold Gabi appeared, very excited!
'Come on I want to show you something cool!"
I kept trudging along. Upon entering the watering hole area, there stood a beautiful doe. While this may not seem remarkable in itself, it is. NEVER had we seen deer this close in these woods and we had traversed them often enough! Certainly we had seen the back side of many as they ran off, but never as close as this and this still and this curious about what was happening.
But wait, there's more! There was not one, not two, but THREE does! All stopped to look and convey a message. We had a 'moment' of soul exchange. Photos were able to be taken as proof and off they went.
A few more tears were shed. At least the ugly crying had stopped; so there is improvement.
The next steps since Gabi's Departure
She had made a promise to me and me to her.
Her promise is to BE always with me and may come back in dog form so stay tuned. She will always protect me; in fact I heard her growl while in the kitchen yesterday. Not sure whom she was miffed at, but I gratefully accepted it.
My promise? To complete her book, The Gabi Life. For those of you that have been with me, like foreva, may recall this book. No publishing house desired it, so I took it as a sign it wasn't worth pursuing.
Back to the book we go. Why do I know this? It's back in the forefront of things to accomplish. People must remember, Grace Always Begins Inside. There are a few more projects to complete, but then I dive fur and all back into it. Feel free to nudge me periodically...
Until then, embrace each day as the miracle it is.
It’s been a weird few years. Many souls have left
our home. We have a “mini farm” of sorts. So someone is always coming or going.
First it was Ej, he brought us two new souls to love with his departure. Then it was Olivia and Olive and then Molly. The smallest of the hearts in our home. Before them were bunnies Sookie & Sundae and Guinea pigs “the girls” Reese, Miley and Katie, that we loved and cared for. Now gone.
But recently in the past year we have lost a cat, 8 year old girl, our Alice. Completely unexpected. A rescue mama rabbit , possibly 6 years, Our 17 year old cat Gracie, she hung on forever. Her departure was the most profound. And last week our sweet rescue bunny Papillon. Just laid down to rest and went on his way.
I don’t know what called them home. But I have hope I will see them again. Their souls touched ours and I will be forever grateful for knowing them.
We all grieve in our own way. It’s comforting to know we are not alone in this.
We have so many more Lovely souls in our home now. We cherish them each day. And know that their days are numbered but that it’s our connection that will carry us on beyond the physical.
Thank you for reminding me. 💕
It’s been since November 26th that we put our beautiful 20 year old cat, Henry, to sleep. I am still in mourning. This afternoon I woke up from a nap and cried because I didn’t feel the weight of his little body on top of me. He always napped with me. I’d lift my throw and he’d jump up and curl up on top of me…always!!! The end came to fast… I didn’t have time to prepare. As the moment of death approached… I wish I had grabbed him and run out the door. I would have loved him…sick and old…for as long as his little heart beat. I wouldn’t have cared that he was deaf and blinded by cataracts…and diabetic (needing 2 shots a day)…and struggling with dementia. The vet told me it would only get worse. So we made the decision! They (vet…our two wonderful vet techs…who had cared for him his entire life) came to our home and he died in my arms …in the chair that he always loved to jump up into my lap when I sat there. He was wrapped in a blanket and I held him…and I know he felt loved and warm! BUT I would undo it if I could! We were so afraid that one day he’d go outside and never return and we’d never know what happened to him. So we made the final decision! I know it was his time…but it doesn’t make it easier!!! Thanks for giving me a spot to vent! I so understand your pain…as it’s the price we pay for all the love and joy they give us while we’re luck enough to have them! I’m so sorry you don’t have Gabi with you physically anymore… but totally believe that our loved ones are always by our side!
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