The Back Story
Many of you know, some of you may not... but now you shall.
Our Beloved girl, Gabi, has left us.
My husband were on our first vacation (more than two consecutive days) in over six years; the verdict is still out long ago, but I digress. We returned on a Friday and had intended to spend a day or two extra with my folks.
Gabi had other plans.
She was staying with my truly amazing sister and as par for her regular morning routine, came downstairs, went outside, laid down and couldn't get back up. That is the text we received.
My heart plummented.
We had separate cars and away we went, back north to BE with her. I knew from the get go it was to be her last physical day with us. We arrived at the 24 ER Vet with not so good news.
Cancer was everywhere in her abdominal area. This is what caused the drama in the morning. A tumor had ruptured on her spleen and there was now internal bleeding. Stable at the moment, but who knows when the next rupture would happen; for it was inevitable.
After MUCH heart searching, chatting with her and more, we did the most humane thing. For IF she had come home, there could be no more swamping expeditions. She could leave us without a moment's notice and go while we were doing errands, sleeping, etc. It helped tremendously, tremendously when students reached out to share that Gabi had already visited them and told them it was her last day and there was nothing we could have done to prevent this. Gabi went to them BEFORE we knew anything. She was smart that way....
How we are moving on from our 'pet' leaving us
A pet can be just that a pet. A four legged critter that is dependent on your for food, shelter and its general well being. I know you, and that is not how you would view it, and neither do we. A 'pet' in our mind happens to have four legs (or two, if it's a bird), but a member of the family. It's a soul you confide in, explore with and attempt to BE the person that they see in you.
It's Love at the core. Never pressure to BE anything but yourself.
Gabi's departure was quick. Yes, I had inklings, she told me, but it was one of those rare times I really wish I wasn't so intuitive and hoped beyond hoped that I was wrong.
It's not been easy. As you too can easily attest if you've ever been in this situation.
What did I do? I painted, no not like Picasso, but walls; lots of walls. I needed something somewhat mindless that allowed me to absorb, shift energy and meditate while being 'productive'. I re-created the healing space where all client work happens. I painted our family room and have plans for other rooms as well.
I ventured out for a 'magical' walk within days of her leaving. My husband was grieving as well - for it is grief, but we were each attempting to be strong for the other. Off to the woods I went. I screamed, I cried, I got angry. Hopefully all out of earshot of any other human. My legs were heavy. It was difficult to walk even what was considered our 'short' walk (3+ miles)
The first week was tough. I cannot lie. Even our cats were in mourning. They could be found frequently laying in 'Gabi's' Room - designated as this was the room she always scampered off to to enjoy her treats. Flowers and cards and sweet memories from students, clients and followers of Gabi and me. We were beyond touched that we had through by simply sharing, had touched so many of you.
The healing continues
The painting has slowed down.
I've taken two more walks in the woods. One with a friend; we both got teary at memories, but they were good cries. We sat near the river, in the snow, like children and just listened and observed.
That was healing in itself; allowing ourselves to BE.
I went for the most recent walk just yesterday. I had a productive morning filled with clients and possible business dealings. Blog posting was attempted but kept getting stalled; it simply wasn't flowing. I was told in no uncertain terms to go for a walk.
Meh. It was cold and I felt somewhat whiny.
THEY, Sandalphon, Auriel, Thuriel; oh heck the entire Gang were persistent... Get Outside!
Finally I complied and headed off. It was getting late and the sun was far past its zenith, but I kept going. Once the woods were entered, I realized getting to the river was not possible due to the lighting. Maybe turn around now? Maybe go to her watering hole?
Eh, I'm turning around.
Lo and behold Gabi appeared, very excited!
'Come on I want to show you something cool!"
I kept trudging along. Upon entering the watering hole area, there stood a beautiful doe. While this may not seem remarkable in itself, it is. NEVER had we seen deer this close in these woods and we had traversed them often enough! Certainly we had seen the back side of many as they ran off, but never as close as this and this still and this curious about what was happening.
But wait, there's more! There was not one, not two, but THREE does! All stopped to look and convey a message. We had a 'moment' of soul exchange. Photos were able to be taken as proof and off they went.
A few more tears were shed. At least the ugly crying had stopped; so there is improvement.
The next steps since Gabi's Departure
She had made a promise to me and me to her.
Her promise is to BE always with me and may come back in dog form so stay tuned. She will always protect me; in fact I heard her growl while in the kitchen yesterday. Not sure whom she was miffed at, but I gratefully accepted it.
My promise? To complete her book, The Gabi Life. For those of you that have been with me, like foreva, may recall this book. No publishing house desired it, so I took it as a sign it wasn't worth pursuing.
Back to the book we go. Why do I know this? It's back in the forefront of things to accomplish. People must remember, Grace Always Begins Inside. There are a few more projects to complete, but then I dive fur and all back into it. Feel free to nudge me periodically...
Until then, embrace each day as the miracle it is.